In the September 2007 New Era the question was asked, "What is more important for women after they get married: to finish an education or to start a family?"
The answer:
"President Gordon B. Hinckley has often stressed getting a good education. To the women of the Church he says that education 'is the latchkey to success in life,' but in the next breath he reminds us of President David O. McKay's teaching, 'No other success can compensate for failure in the home' ("To the Women of the Church," Ensign, Nov. 2003, 115). While education is important, it shouldn't displace the importance of children and family--for either men or women. Your choice to have children does not have to exclude finishing your education, or vice versa. A classroom is not the only place to gain an education. Many part-time or distance study options are available to you if you want to finish your education. Even if you have completed the degree you were seeking, you can always become more educated through personal study and experience."
So, according to the church, education is important as long as it doesn't interfere with having children. It does say this is true for both men and women, but who does the church encourage to stay home with the children? Women. Who, if anyone, is going to have to sacrifice their education or at least put it on hold? Women. Who's going to bring home the bacon? Men. Who's education is more important? Men's. I'm not disagreeing with this reasoning. I think that if a man and a woman are married and have agreed the wife will stay home and rear their children while the husband goes off to work every day, then his education is naturally a higher priority. The wife can seek education as time and money allow, but she doesn't need to have a college education to be a stay-at-home mom. It's not a matter of whether or not her education is important--it is. But it comes second to the breadwinner's education. How many times do women in the church hear that they need to have an education "to fall back on" if for some reason their husband is unable to provide for the family? Thus, a woman's education becomes a plan B.
Obviously the church supports education--a great deal of tithing money goes to supporting church-affiliated schools, and General Authorities clearly urge all, regardless of gender, to seek higher education. The importance of a woman's education is specifically addressed; however, more often than not, I feel like I am being urged to get married and make babies. Families are wonderful, and I am very excited to have my own someday, but sometimes I wish that, every once in a while, someone would get up in a Relief Society meeting and talk about careers and how women can make a difference in the world in ways other than being a wife and mother. Maybe they do, but it doesn't happen often enough if I can't think of a single instance. It seems like every visiting teaching message, if it isn't about appreciating Relief Society, discusses the importance of motherhood. I completely agree! But what am I if I'm not a mother?
For a while, there was a poster on campus that I saw every day on my way to class. In big letters, it said, "Preparing for the Future..." and it had pictures of a young woman playing with her baby and another young woman planting a flower. What about the unmarried women who graduate from BYU-I? What about the LDS woman who never marries at all? What is her role in society? I'm sure she can plant flowers too, but why can't the school add a third woman who is dressed in a business suit and holding a clipboard in her hand? In my FHE group alone, there are twice as many girls as there are guys. Only two of those guys are neither engaged nor dating someone. A similar ratio has existed with every BYU-I approved apartment complex I have lived in. Chances are, a significant amount of women will leave BYU-I without rocks on their fingers, and those women are not any less valuable because they are not yet mothers. In fact, they will have many opportunities opened to them because they don't have families to care for.
I guess my main point is that I am more than just a baby machine. Do I want to fall in love and have a family? Of course, I do. Do I feel like that is all I'm capable of doing as a woman. No. I have no intention of sitting around on my hope chest, waiting for Mr. Right to come along. I hope he shows up someday, but until then, I'm excited for my post-grad adventures of finding and working a "real" job and finding my own way to contribute to society.
P.S. My title is a tribute to Buster Bluth and his hand.
Check out this video too. It's an amazing Buster montage, but it won't
let me embed it. Lame.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJqjLN9wAmU
6 comments:
Interesting post. I've experienced this from a different aspect - as in the married woman neither reproducing or gaining an official education. I imagine we've had very similar hurdles to cross within the Mormon Culture.
I agree that the importance of education really is placed on the male. I think it's that way for a reason and I don't actually care. It works. I want Stuart to provide for our family and I'll do all the other stuff. Team work.
There's a lack of balance that worries me though. Not all women get married. But there's a difference between a woman not getting married because she's too busy gaining an education so she can have a career and a woman who just doesn't meet the right man.
I'd also like to point out that if a woman doesn't get married because of the latter it's not her fault. There's no shame in it and there's really no shame in not getting married if a woman doesn't want to as long as she takes responsibility and doesn't use her education/career as an excuse.
Motherhood can also be interpreted differently. A lot of women can't have kids but still have the option of motherhood. Just because a woman isn't married doesn't mean she's failed and just because a married woman doesn't have children doesn't mean she's a failure either.
I don't have a formal education but I'm still educated. You don't need a piece of paper to certify that you have a brain full of knowledge. Just like a boy doesn't have to go on a mission to make him a good man. My opinions on the matter have changed a little entering this stage of my life. I'm now seeing how important education is and what a blessing it is. I'm grateful to be in a country where education is available for everyone.
Where I'm from most people don't go to University and it's not a problem.
I could talk about this a lot but it's nothing you've not heard before.
If you want something to happen then make it happen. If you want to be a certain person, be that person. Things will fall in to place.
PS. Why are you tributing Buster's hook to Uncle Oscar? Do you have a crush?
Dangit! I meant Buster. They almost rhyme. Not really.
Anyway, I appreciate your comments, and I completely agree. I was trying to point out that it's ok that the emphasis is placed on a man's formal education within the Mormon culture, so I hope that's how it came across. If not, your comment adds that. I just think that single Mormon girls in their twenties feel a lot of pressure to get married, and consequently are easily depressed and wonder why they can't even get a date while all the nineteen-year-olds are getting married. Sometimes the pressure to get married creates more problems than it does happy couples.
And when I say "ok" I mean it makes sense, considering the gender roles within the church.
While it is true that education is emphasized for males in the church, I think it is more important for the women. If the role of women is truly to raise children, than why would it ever be acceptable for an uneducated woman to raise my children? It wouldn't. I would appreciate and respect my wife if she was continually working to educate and better herself.
This said, I realize that one can obtain an education without the benefit of a piece of paper; it is not at all impossible to achieve. However, I do believe that formal education is one of the most valuable aspects of society, and here is why:
With formal education, you have a general knowledge of things that 'they' consider to be important. Although you may not agree with the importance of the particular work (the scarlet letter), it is important that you read these in order to add to the conversation. Common ground is how contributing members of society bring new ideas to the forefront. A cultural awareness among many members is means for powerful and effective movements. So, do I think that education can be achieved outside traditional education? Yes. Do I think it likely that one will choose to invest their time in works and studies that are considered academic on their own accord? No. So there you have it.
Thanks, Alex! That's a really good point, and I am definitely glad that I am getting a formal education, and I think everyone should pursue some sort of post-high school graduation. I still think men's education is maybe unintentionally emphasized, but I completely agree with what you are saying, and I'm glad you feel that way.
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